Friday, October 5, 2007

Jersey, baby! Taking the next step in legislating away the risk of living!

The land of Bon Jovi and Atlantic City ... a joyful place to drive (insert sarcasm) where law prohibits a motor vehicle operator from pumping her/his own gasoline ... that little strip of a state that has harbored criminals (even given them jobs on their police forces) and bred a sub-race of Anglos whose every other word is "fuck" or some derivative thereof ... this mythical land named for an Old World place with far more beautiful scenery and much more class is now trying to live up to the butt of all the New Jersey jokes. In other words they're trying to actualize what the rest of us (outside NJ) may or may not rightfully think of them. The legislators of the fair state of New Jersey are dangerously close to passing a law forbidding the sale of bicycles equipped with quick release wheels in their state. It's hilarious, sadly hilarious. Why can't the taxpayers paying the salaries of these idiots request that they spend their time on some productive legislating? I'm not going to conjecture an answer.

All I have to say is that the case in New Jersey is absurd, but governments across the land and the American public in general suffer from a myopic condition whereby bicycles are all lumped together as toys in their narrow fields of view. And don't get me going on quick releases. "Lawyer lips" (the nubs molded onto either side of a fork dropout) are a big enough pain in the ass. They are already there to, in theory, keep the wheel from completely coming off the bike should someone not have the gumption to properly attach it. Now, if someone can't learn to operate the simple machine that is a cam-actuated bicycle hub skewer, maybe they should stick to sedentary sporting pursuits like Texas Hold'em or eating contests. Or perhaps consider attempting to hold their breath -- for a very, VERY long time. In fact, perhaps breath holding (with the aid of a plastic bag) should become the new state sport of New Jersey.

My pain meds are wearing off and I'm tired. You can read more about the madness here. Well, and here.

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